Sooo.. I joined this organization at the university cause I've got the hots for the advisor.... and then, while I was getting interviewed this afternoon for my Novice position, I found out that HE IS ALREADY MARRIED! Fucking shitty thing! God fucking damned!!!!

*throws a tantrum* I so hate myself right now. Grrr!!!! Hmm.. wonder if I can just hook up with him... * ponders * I know.. Crazy.. but it's not like I'm actually gonna do it... *pouts* or will I?? Hmmm... But he's fucking hot!! Body wise... Hmmm.. yum.. guess he'll just live in my fantasy along with David, James, Jensen, Jared and Misha...

Shitty!!!! at least I actually liked the organization and what we would be doing there.. Thank fuck...

Sooo.. since my last Post.. I have discovered that I soooo fucking love Placebo's french songs... especially Mars Landing Party because it is fucking dirty and Protege Moi, because. it's just fucking hot... Burger Queen doesn't really appeal to me that much cause of the tone, but I also love it nonetheless... That's why.. aside from self studying German.. I'm also doing French... ...

Goddamned! I'm turning ass over tits over these frickin' languages... I am so in love with European Languages!!! no wonder I tried studying Italian... until I've gotten bored.. :P *grins*

Anyways, I've an interview tomorrow to become a Novice, should I pass. lol. :D hee! I feel giddy!

Okayyyyy... It's monday and I didn't attend any of my classes cause one, I was having a bad case of hang over... second...... I felt tooo lazy to bear the heat of the day and feel all icky and whatnot...

lol.. so I spent the whole day slaving in the kitching trying to come up with a brilliant recipie which i failed miserably by the way, i wound up cooking the same thing.... lol

Sooo... I was surfing through cable channels when I came across Dark Angel... I don't know which season it was, but boy, Jensen is such a fine piece of meat.... before I realized it, I was drooling over him and now I'm googling movies and series where in he was there...

*sighs* I can't believe this... he looked hot in the movie Devour. he's just oh sooooo delicious... lol... my friend was with me, and he was looking at me like I'd just grown another head. lol.. what can I say, I like fine hot men named Jensen Ackles.. lol..

I am in fucking pain!!! I had next to no hour of sleep since saturday until Sunday... I was out the whole morning on Sunday, by the way..

And on my way home, I was body slammed to a car by a 180 lbs of muscle, namely Lei.. one of my highschool buddies.. just to tell me that he's moving a couple of blocks away from our house... Christ... IS TEXT MESSAGING NOT AN OPTION!! I slept at around 11 last night... then when I woke up this morning.. my body was a huge mass of pain...

my back hurts like a bitch, my neck's a stiff... typing this entry feels like weight lifting for my biceps...

omg. i'm just gonna lie back after posting this... and try to get some more sleep.

Sooo.. there I was, in bed, watching Supernatural... and I suddenly had a vision! Castiel and Dean... In bed.. Fuckin' hot... but then it's not nearly as hot as Dean and Sam together, but OMG... hothothot.....

*goes back to looking at the telly* soooo hot...

Fucking pending.. I can't continue my stories cause I'm having a writer's block for about 2 years now.. especially the spangel stories I'm writing... The Sweetest Sin is currently on Hiatus... as well as the Assassin.. cause I'm trying to continue writing my original novel, Budding Killer: The Beginning of blood...

*sighs* anyways. last friday, my buddy came over and he wasn't with the girl he was supposed to come with.. what an ass... soo..we spent the whole evening watching movies because he said he wasn't in the mood to do anything else.. I suggested we go to our friend's place and he said he doesn't want to... *sighs* I think he's got a problem that he's not telling me... he's being.... emotionally distant lately... he would stare at me for like twenty minutes straight and I would ask him if there's something wrong, and he would just shrug and look at something else... I'm worried about him...

well isn't this a surprise... usually he only calls me when we're planning a sleep over which happens NEVER or when we're planning an out of town trip with other friends which is once a year... but this! THIS IS A FRIST! I was just waking up and stretching in my comfortable bed(which is my parent's bedroom floor, cause it's the only room here where they have the air-con on...) when my cell phone started buzzing...

I take one look at the screen and couldn't believe what I'm seeing... "Shokoi Calling..." well, I think hell froze over when I ws sleeping. . . I know I should answer it.. but c'mon! I was just wakin' up... however, his insistence ... is pretty much annoying. *Tries to keep a straight face* I could still remember a time when I was the one insisting he call me once or twice in a blue moon, but now that he's constantly trying to bug the living hell out of me... I'm beginning to regret it.. lol...

So... after getting 4 missed calls, I finally answer it.

Him: What the fuck?!
Me: *feigns innocence* What?
Him: I was trying to call you the whole morning! Don't tell me you didn't hear it.. You don't go anywhere without any of your phones!!! *he sounded realy upset*
Me: I was busy!
Him: Right! Were you talking to Lea?
Me: nope... why?
Him: She wanted to go there today...
Me: hmm... sure..
Him: I'm busy I can't take her..
Me: Then just drop her off. I'll give her a ride home.
Him: No! *he's sounding more and more upset...*
Me: Koi, what's wrong? You wanted me to get along with her.. You practically said the reason you brought her over was to see whether I'd get along with her. . . and now you're acting all weird!
Him: I'm not! I just... Lex, Sometimes you're fucking dense...
Me: Me? Dense? what did I do now? We're not gonna have a fight over her! we're done with arguing remember!
Him: we're not arguing... we're just having a discussion... listen if you don't want her to come over, it's fine!
Me: What? I said it's alright! What's going on with us?! *frantic*
Him: Nothing! Nothing's wrong with us...
Me: *heaves a big sigh* Fine... just come over, alone and let's have a couple of drinks later tonight....
Him: alright.
Me: 'k. see ya.
Him: Yeah...

End of phone call... so... he came over a couple of hours later and he brought beers and a bottle of my favorite tequila! So.... I asked him what was really up. and why he's actin' like a hung up ass... and ya know what he told me?? Said it was cause of me...
We're good friends... although we used to have a falling out every two years, but since the last one which was on 2007, we never fought again... and from then, we progressed to this relationship which was greater than friendship but less than lovers kinda thing... we don't really talk about...we don't really talk much about our current happenings... we just talk about the past and what we would do tomorrow or 4 year from now.. or someting else...

He said he wanted to try to see if we might work as something else, I told him I don't want to risk it just yet.. why can't we just enjoy with what we have right now instead of complicating it further? I mean, yeah I do feel something for him, I love him, to a point.. and yes I find him sexually attractive... cause he's a fine piece of meat! lol! however, I know myself far too much to know that I won't be able to commit..... pfft.. I told him we could still just fuck if he wanted to sate his lust.. or something... just not a relationship like that...

He stared me right in the eye before he went down laughing... the fucking asshole made we worry my fucking head off and he told me he was just fucking around cause we.. apparently have become dull since we swore we'd stop arguing over little things... Jesus fucking christ. do you guys know that my heart was pounding a mile a minute while we were talking?! I mean, OMG!!!! And he just laughed things off and said he was just spicing up our time since things have gotten sooo boring..

I had the urge to punch him while we were on the balcony and he was watching me smoke... but before I could get a punch in, he grabbed me into a bear hug. I didn't know how long we stood, but I suddenly got teary eyes... lol... Fucking ass... I'm gonna get him back someday!

Him: Hey Lex, what do you think about the chick I brought over last week?
Me: She's cute...
Him: Just cute? Would you get along with her?
Me: ... she's hot... I like her... so I'm guessng yeah...
him: *sounds deflated* oh..
Me: Why? *curiousity perked up*
Him: Nothin' just askin'...
Me: *smirks* When are you planning to bring her over again? I enojyed talking to her!
Him: Maybe never...
Me: WHY?!
Him: ...
Me: I thought you wanted us to get along?
Him: I do... just not that close..
Me: What do you mean?
Him: You seem to enjoy her presence...
Me: well. you introduced her to me and hoped I would get along with her and now that I do like her... you're sulking.. again, I ask why...
Him: Nevermind... We'll go there maybe this friday... after my work..
Me: okay...
Him: Okay... So?
Me: So?
Him: So, should the one of us wouldn't be able to make it, who would you prefer it to be?
Me: Uhmm...
Him: C'mon.. just.. hypothetically...
Me: well, I'd rather have you.... cause I know you better and I'm sure I can entertain you ...
Him: *sounded weirdly cheerful* Okay!
Me: What's happening to you?!
Him: Nothing! Nothing! Okay, see you Friday. Bye!!!

The line went dead... and I was left dumbfounded! he's pretty fucking weird...

okay. so I'm on my placebo week... and I haven't had my period yet.. I've had like a drop of blood and then nothing... and the weather is sooo friggin' hot...

Urgh...

This got me thinkin'...I should really stop taking the pills.. firstly, my guy friend who's over protective of me doesn't like it... and wants me to stop doing the casual sex thing.. which I'm contemplating on stopping too.. and secondly, my surrogate mum said that it isn't really good for me so I should just stop especially if I'm not bugged by my previous periods (before I started taking the pills).

Sooo... I guess I'm not taking the pills anymore.... lol. . . I'm still bugged about my period though... the placebos would be gone by tuesday and I'm worried... I might've fucked up my system or I'm pregnant or something.. gee.. hope I didn't ....

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Title: Assassin Part 4
Author: A.Aurelius
Fandom: AtS/BtVS
Pairing: Spangel (Angel/Spike)
Rating: frao
Disclaimer: Not mine, owned by Fox.... and M.E.

( Chapter Four )

I was watching Ben10 with my little brother a couple of days ago... and I was flabbergastered with its episode.... Ben got pregnant... I was like... OMG should they really be showing that kind of ideas to kids?!?

anyways... my friend came over and we got to talkin... about anal sex... he's a guy mind u..

Him: so, how'd it feel?
Me: how'd what feel? *stare back on the tv*
Him: being taken from behind..
Me: *stares at him incredulously* What?!?
Him: *shrugs* You haven't tried it before?
Me: no...
Him: *snickers*
Me: Why? Should I say I did, and it felt good, would u do it too?
Him: *looks at me straight in the eyes* yeah
Me: *confused* you'd let someone stick something up your ass?!
Him: *scandalized* NO! I mean i'd consider fucking a girl from behind...
Me: oh..

My friggin' body aches like hell... I'm never having a marathon sex anymore... well...maybe not sometime soon... but definitely later...Urgh. I gotta get me some pills... I don't know if the pull-out method is gonna work... Yesterday afternoon was my first time fucking with no condoms at all... we fucked 3 times in 4 hours.... he pulled out when he felt that he was near cumming... it was thoughtful, really, but I don't want to risk it.. lol

is it true that if I'm on the pills, I shouldn't smoke.. cause.. I don't think I can do it....

33 things I wanna know about u... nabbed from awstuff4friends

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favourite place?
5. Favourite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
11. What is your favourite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What colour eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What 's your favourite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

my second ink. :D

I looooveee ittt. :D

I'm such a short tempered bitch... I know... I'm not the best kind of friend... I'm not the most loving girlfriend neither. The past relationships always ends up after a couple or so of years, each of them complaning that I never once get jealous, do I not love them enough... or that I'm too lax, I never even bat an eye when I see them with a chick clinging to them.. well... for one, I don't really... know why... I don't get it either... maybe it's got something to do with my upbringing...

I've been unconsciously trained not to trust anyone but myself when it comes to emotions, beccause as soon as you're emotionally attached to someone else, then all goes down t shit faster than you can blink. I've never really believed in trusting someone else wholeheartedly. Hell, I don't even trust anyone else to make me feel safe.

Even the ones I love, I have a hard time trusting... especially my family. It's a long story which I'm not interested in telling.... at least not anymore.. I turned out like this because of what I went through thoughout my childhood... and quite frankly, I'm neither thankful nor do I regret it... cause persoanlly, it's something I could do without and secondly, I'm bound to know it sometime later in life.... I should've not gone through hell for being a child, I shoudln't have gone through hell for enjoying the idea of being a child. But, hell I went through and now. I'm as much of a bitch as I am of a human.

Maybe I'm under something... something bad underneath me... or maybe it's something good.. I got my tattoos to be a constant remind of who I am... because I don't want to lose myself further into what I'm slowly becoming. . .


a/n: The title came from a song of Incubus ~ Dig

I'm getting tattooed again.. and it might be this....

I love it.. however... I can only draw one side.. damn.. lol... and i'm also having the gryphon, from Angel, tattooed on my lower back.. near my ass... *winks*

I think I'll have two artist working on me.. lol.. Eric, my original artist is gonna kill me for getting tattooed again... and without his consent.. lol.. he likes to keep tabs on his canvas he said... and his girlfriend.. lol..awww how sweeeeeeet... *looks dreamily at nothing* lol. tell me guys.. how's the wing? Does it look ok???