odd girl: Excuse me... d'ya know where room 408 is?

me: *points to the door next to me*

O.G.: Oh! *smiles* I'm ***** by the way.

Me: *smiles politely* Hi...

O.G.: What's your name?

My sorta kinda girl friend: Her name's Mine.

They get into this staring match and then my sorta kinda girl friend's actual boyfriend... which happens to also be my sorta kinda boyfriend without the physical benefits of it, came in between them and said, "Baby... do share Alexx... we can't always have her to ourselves... "

Me.. I'm just standing on the side... trying hard not to laugh cause damn if the odd girl's facial expression wasn't fuckin' funny lol!

Tihs is a fuckin' weird last day of exam lol!

some time ago, there's a couple of people who complained about how I am. They complained about how I lack respect in talkin' to them and how I treat them. This one guy is in his mid thirties, and the girl is about 5 years my senior. We generally get along well together and for the few months that we've known and interacted with each other, I have treated them with respect, well, at least I think so. cause I made sure to never spew profanities in their presence and I don't treat them differently the way I treat the people with the same profession as them while in the 'work' place. I also happen to never ever use their name in a sentence with any curse words, which is saying a lot cause my normal 'friend' conversation, it's filled with profanities.

And then... they said that I should show them respect.. well, what more kind of respect they want? hell, the way I converse with them, it's quite much more respectful than how I converse with my parents! Good fucking Lord!

I think they expect me to bend to the traditions that most people in the country we're in are following, and fuck me, if I'm ever going to be like them. 'Cause I will never ever be like them cause I found my own values and morals and whatever the hell on my own and just like a inventor, every discovery and invention are kept close to the heart and I keep my own personality and way of life very close to whatever kind of heart I have.

see the thing is, as long as I'm calling people using endearments or pet names or shortening their name in a cute way, then we're good, but once I revert to calling them in their full name, well, it just shows where they stand with me, which is quite... no where.

friendships? It's quite easy for me to be friends with people regardless of their age. I could easily have a conversation with anyone of any age over coffee or soda or even milk. See, the thing is, I treat people equally, because I know, I would appreciate it when people younger or older than me treats me equally. and in that equality, that is the kind of respect I know. That's the kind of respect I appreciate. and it would mean more to me than younger people talking to me with words like 'po' and 'opo'. and what not...

it's quite weird how they told me that they're quite intrigue by me and would like to get to know be better and then demand I show them this or that. Demand that I change how I am... Get mad at me cause other people thinks so negatively of me... I can not control nor can I bend what other people's opinion of me, because it's their own opinion. Now if I get offended if they think I'm morally incapacitated, or such a lowly person, or even a disgrace to my parents, it's their prerogative. It's their right. I can't do anything about it. I can bitch and moan about being called those things, but their opinions of me would still remain the same. There's little to nothing I can do about their opinion unless they would make an effort to know me. as I've said, I easily make friends, but only a handful of people gets my explanation for acting this way and that and those are the people that I have known almost all my life. I have a hard time opening up to some people and to those people who I've recently opened up to, let me down big time. And though I do not regret it, it made me realize that only the people you've grown up with and shared a deep bond are the ones you could really trust to know the real you and would still accept you regardless of how fucked up to others your beliefs may be. *sighs*...

This Fling

I laugh when I want to cry,
Unti tears stream down my eyes
The pain inside doesn’t comprise
Of just the feelings I tend to hide

I seek comfort in the arms of smoke,
For it is the one I can’t provoke.
Arms you could not provide
I take solace in your pride

The barrier will always be there,
Thus I have nothing else to bare.
So let us forget this thing.
This… fling.

I, once, swallowed my pride
Cause there were things left inside,
But this time around, my darling,
I found out it was just a fling.

It wasn’t easy letting you go,
Heart ache and guilt kept telling me so,
For days on end I think of us,
But then it was all just a bust.

The barrier will always be there,
Thus I have nothing left to bare,
When all is said and done,
We’re better off over and gone.

Nothing good will come off it,
Nothing, in time, we won’t forget,
Better do it now and save all the trouble
Of awkard goodbyes and missed cuddles

Say farewell, my handsome prince,
For the lessons I have learn, I will keep
Your smile, your laughter, I shall hold
Deeply in my memory, until I’m old.


Oorah! I'm back in poetry... comments are very much appreciated... this is for my boy, zippy, by the way.:D

as if I don't have enough things goin on already and 'm feeling depression?

like there's something heavy in the pit of my stomach and my eyes feels like they're about to pop out... I feel like crying and OMFG I just wanna die... Pfft...

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT ....

It's back to the uni for me... hmmm... I haven't written my essay for Philippine Lit. The topic is... *drum roll* What defines me as a woman. oh I know what defines me as a woman. My breast and my down-there holes. Crudely put, I know, but still true.... hmmm...

Anyways, updates on my fics are still kinda blurry... I'm finished with the sweetest sin... though i'm still deciding whether the my ending is good or not... as for my assassin.. it's still in progress.. and yes, it is progressing... at least in my computer lol... hmmmm.... guess that's about it...


And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVELY winchesterxgirl!

Well, of course, in some parts of the world, it's some odd hours before new year, but what the hell...

To my families here online, in LJ and to those whom I've just met... Happy new year to every one of you!

especially to my sweet sweet winchesterxgirl advance happy birthday sweetheart! I love you! Have a great new year with the kids! :D

I don't know what I'm goin' to do... this has everything to do with a certain professor and not, it's not MY hottie prof...

We were tasked to do 3 papers during the holiday break... which is FUCKING ANNOYING! cause seriously!? Who the fuck gives projects to work on during holiday season?! My fucking god! Grr!

Anyways, I'm actually done with the Nationalist Leader Term Paper thing-y... now I have to read TWO Fucking Tagalog Novels... I already have a hard time reading Tagalog as it is... MUCH LESS THE OLD TAGALOG that has the weird spellings... my fucking god... and even though I have the English versions of those two novels... it's still Crappy cause MY FUCKING GOD! I have to write the paper in Tagalog! C'mon! not to boast or anything, my English is way better than my tagalog... and FUCK IT! I wish I could just write it in Chinese so it'd be easier.. god fuckin' damned! I know My chinese isn't any better cause most of my conversation with people is either in English or Fukien ( Chinese Dialect ) DAMN?! Grrr....

I have to pick out ideas in the two novels I'm about to read... I have to pick out the political ideas, economic ideas and Socio-cultural ideas Jose Rizal, the fuckin' asshole, hid in the fuckin' novels! FUCK HIM> He's already fuckin' dead! Reading what he wrote is bad enough, but I have to analyze it!? And so what if we found something wrong with the history or how it was written? it's already there.... either do something to change it or leave it be... Telling students about it again and again wouldn't do shit cause seriously!? WHAT THE FUCK?!

I talked to Zippy about it and yeah I understand that he's a prof and that he's proud of that professor... and yeah, I do love that prof, but still?! MY GOD!!!! Why oh WHY?! !

Him: Alexx, how're things goin?
Me: Great...
Him: How 'bout that professor you're trin' to hack into itty bitty pieces?
Me: *shocked* What?!
Him: Uhmm...
Me: FUCK YOU BERN!
Him: *laughs*


Sooo.. yeah... nothin' interesting... just thought to share.... Ooh and Since I'm doin' 3 term papers for one fuckin' course, I'm gonna work on my Sweetest Sin and Assassin fics.. Cause I just happen to enjoy making myself work so like crazy... makes the ending feel sooo successful.. lol!

Chapter 1 and 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

I know I've been a bad bad girl in updating my fics... And I have a perfectly good reason too.. sooooo.. PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME YET :D hee! This post is especially directed to akse ... :D

I was at the registration table, handing out freebies. It was 1 in the afternoon. I saw a couple of his students. The next thing I knew, my crush, Jeff, is there too. I forgot, he is in Zippy's class too. So.. there I was, hadning out the freebies. Pens were laid out in front of me. It was Jeff's turn to register and he butted in.

Him: *reaches for a pen* This is mine. *big smile.
he was telling me something else, but I couldn't actually understand it cause his voice is hoarse. then Jeff leaned down to sign and I was like. . .
ME: Hi Jeff! - I saw Zippy suddeny look away from us.

Jeff: Hi! *charming smile*

Heee! I soooo love Jeff... then after an hour... I was standing by the door. I was trying to keep the noise to a minumum and on the other hand, I was doing head counts when he suddenly signals for me to come closer. He told me that his students have to attend their other class too. So I was telling his students who were scattered all over the place that they should get ready to leave. He signals me back and when I was standing beside him, he closed the distance between us and pressed his body so close to mine, I could feel his heart beat. He whispered something to me... and that something is... "When they leave, ask them to form a line and be as quiet as possible." and he repeated that three times, as if I didn't heard him the first two times. So I went to Jeff, who was on the other side of the room and told him about it.

When Jeff got up to leave, I smiled coyly and said, "I don't get a hug?" HE HUGGED ME! and angled for a kiss! :D hee! NICE... I love it.. and I saw Zippy's face... it was his patented BITCH FACE. . . hee! OMG. Sooooo nice. >:)

So... Monday afternoon, at 2 PM found me at this local drinking-spot with my block mates. We were drinkin' and havin' a smoke and chatting around when I realized that I made a promise to soemone that I'd get them coffee. So... I told my friends that I have to run by 3.30pm. They all asked me why I was down. And I told them why. It was cause Him (guy from my other previous post) and I had a misunderstsanding. So... 3.30 came around and my guy friends wanted to come with me, for moral support, they said. I said not to anymore cause, hell... it would only cause more conflict... Don't ask why, I just know it would. It's better to face it alone than have them for back up...

So... I picked up his coffee and practically ran up the stairs. When I got there, his assistant saw me.

Assistant: Heya Alexx!
Me: Hey! Why are you still outside?
A: He haven't dismissed his class yet.
Me: Ooh.. ok.. Can u watch my things for a while? *I placed my bag and the coffee on the nearest flat surface I could find*
A: Yeah, you better spray some perfume on. He's gonna get even pissed at you if he smells smoke and alcohol on you.
Me: *grins sheepishly* Thanks. :) *runs to the washroom*

After freshening up, I quickly make my way back to where his assistant was. We were standing there chatting for a couple of minutes when I told him to go ahead and check. He said he'd send me a message before he goes in.

So, I took a couple of minutes to calm myself. And then I got his message. He said I could come in now cause the students are gone. So there I went. I walked purposely slowly. And when I got to his room.

When I opened the door he glanced at it and the first thing I noticed was that he was forcing back a smile...

Me: I know you're still mad. *lifts up the coffee cup* and this is not a peace offering. It was my promise, remember?
Him: *full on smile*
Assistant: Oohh, he's smiling!
Me: You may get mad, but you can't hate me. You love me.
Him: *smiles even bigger* Yeah, I know! But I was really offended at what you did.
Me: I know! I won't ever defy your words in other people's presence.
Him: *loses the smile a bit* It's not that.
Me: What is it then? I'm really sorry I hurt you though.
Him: I don't want you bringing someone else when it's our time. We don't get to be together much and you go bring someone else with us. I got offended with that. And besides, I don't plan on sharing what I have with you guys with someone else.
Me: Awww.. I'm so sorry. I swear, I won't do it again. You love me! You can't ha...
Him: I know! Wait, is it true that you cried?
Me: *looks at his assistant*
Assistant: *smiles widely* it was a joke, Sir. But she couldn't sleep because of what happened.
Him: *looks at me with puppy eyes* I'm sorry.
Me: NO!
Him: Hmmm...

then he was scolding me for showing how I am with him even with other people around and I explained that I thought she left when I went out to take a call... then we were talkin' about some things when I said... I better go.

Him: What? WHY?!
Me: I have a drinking session to go back to.
Him: Who you gonna be with? *doesn't look pleased at all*
Me: block mates. Matt, Paolo, Nates...
Him: oh okay...
Me: Alright. Bye.

and then when I left, I was on my way to the stairs when his assistant came running, askin' me to go back.

When I peeked inside he said, "Don't drink too much, okay?"

I smiled and said yeah before making a break for the stairs and back to where we were having our drinking session.

Hmm.. I could tell that he wanted me to stay and chat some more, but I promised my friends I'd be back... so..... I left quickly.. Don't get me wrong.. I would've loved to stay, but then again, I didn't think we'd be okay that quickly... and he couldn't stop smiling.. even when he was reprimanding me for my actions back then, he coudln't stop smiling...
Hee.. I'm just glad we're okay... cause I missed him. and I guess he missed me to.. judging by the fact that he couldn't stop smiling when he saw me from the doorway. . . or am I reading too much in to this?

You guys remember from my previous entries about this hottie prof who's flirting profusely with me? Well... things progressed... but not in the physical sense or something...but more on the emotional side of things...

and today... when I went to visit him in his room... my classmate went with me... she wasnt exactly uninvited... cause I invited her, out of politeness.. cause I didn't want to leave her alone there... and when he saw me with her, his whole composure changed. my fucking god. this is so fucked up... and late this afternoon.. he sent me a message that sounded like he was breaking up with me... THE FUCK?!? OMFG...

Fancy title... well.... It's just a title guys. Don't fret.. I'm not dying or anything... at least not yet... Missin' writing my fanfics... I need (s)exercises on my English once again... I think my grammar is flowing outta the window as we speak... or type.. symantics! hahaha!

Anyways... I failed a course...Economics... omg. I know.. stupid, right? Who fails economics?? Apparently, it's me.. hahhaha.. I'm takin it up again this March, I just hope by then, I'll get it and hopefully, pass it... Crap... this life sucks...

Oooh.... also, for my stories... well I'm trying to iron out the wrinkles and will be posting Assasin's latest Chapter.... :D Hopefully, someone's still interested in reading it lol...

I know you don't really care about me. I know that you favor YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER more than me.. cause admit it or not.. I'M A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOUR FUCKING EYE NO MATTER WHAT I DO CAUSE I AINT HER!.. WELL SORRY FOR THAT. I understand that you have a lot of things going on in your fucking life, but here's a fucking headline.. I AM A PART OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE... LIKE IT OR NOT...

You made your fucking choice of living with my disappointment of a presence when you made your choice of bringing me into this fucking world... you said before that I was supposed to be adopted by a doctor... and you didn't give me to her.. well now that is a fucking mistake that you're going to have to live through until you're buried six fucking feet below the fucking ground. I never asked to be like this. I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN AND I KNOW THAT YOU NEVER ASKED FOR ME TO COME TO YOUR LIFE BUT I'M ALREADY HERE. The only fucking thing that I ask for is respect because it doesn't mean that you're the one providing roof over my head and feeding me that I DO NOT FUCKING DESERVE IT.

I'm working hard for you to be fucking proud of me. But you never are. You see all my mistakes, my flaws and my failures... BUT NEVER ONCE DID YOU SEE WHAT I ACHIEVED... and FUCK YOU FOR THAT! Whenever there's a conflict in this fucking family I'm the one who's always stomped on and I HATE YOU FOR THAT! YOU NEVER STOOD UP FOR ME AND YOU DARE CALL YOURSELF A MOTHER?!

Where were you when your daughter was beating the living shit outta me? Where were you when I was crying for you to make everything stop? When you found out about it, did you do anything? THE ANSWER IS FUCKING NO! All you said was that you didn't know! I GAVE YOU A FUCKING LOT OF CHANCE TO SHOW ME I AM NOT WHO SHE SAID I WAS... BUT IT NEVER CAME.. UNTIL I KNEW THAT I AM SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN YOU AND HER COMBINED WHEN IT COMES TO BEING SOMETHING AKIN TO A FUCKING HUMAN BEING! WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS ON THE FLOOR TRYING TO CURL IN ON MY SELF SO THE FIST THAT RAINED DOWN ON ME WON'T HURT SO MUCH?? YOU.. FUCKING YOU WERE THERE HOLDING MY MOUTH SHUT SO THAT I WOUDLN'T WAKE DAD UP! FUCK YOU!

I STILL HAVE FUCKING NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT EVEN UP TO NOW! IT'S WHY I SMOKE... IT'S WHY I DRINK... IT'S WHY I DON'T WANNA SLEEP ALONE! YOU AND YOUR BITCH OF A DAUGHTER DID THIS TO ME! I'M FUCKED INSIDE... I SEE EVERYONE AS FUCKING ANIMALS BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID TO ME. I DON'T TRUST PEOPLE BECAUSE IF I CAN'T TRUST EVEN THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT ME UP THEN WHAT MORE DO THE PEOPLE I MET AND WOULD MEET?!

NONE OF YOU DID A GODDAMNED THING WHILE I WAS BEING USED AS A PUNCHING FUCKING BAG! DID ANYONE OF YOU CARE TO SAVE ME?! I WAS A FUCKING KID! NOT MORE THAN 10 YEARS FUCKING OLD... AND YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT I'M FUCKING WRONG!?

the sad thing about this is that... I'm actually greatful for this.... you know what they say when you're going through a rough patch? it's for character building... and you know what?! whatever I am today... it's no fucking thanks to you because I would've reached where I am soon enough..but I guess you wouldn't want that for me, would you? You would rather me have no happy childhood than slowly make my way up to the top...

I know I'm dumb mom.. I can't pass my academics... I have a hard time getting things stuck in my brain.. but you know what... it doesn't matter that I'm fucking stupid because I may not be a valedictorian, I may not be a dean's lister... but I'm far smarter than most fucking people because I know what will make them cringe and fall down on their knees whimpering because I LEARNED FROM THE FUCKING BEST AND THAT'S YOU AND YOUR FUCKING BITCH OF A DAUGHTER! SO FUCK YOU... IF THERE IS HELL... YOU'RE PLACE IS RESERVED THERE AND WHEN I GET THERE MYSELF... I HAVE ETERNITY TO RETURN THE FAVOR OF WHAT YOU AND YOUR FAVORED ONE DID TO ME...

spangel999

Hey hon!!! Been a long while... might wanna update us on how you are doing!! Lol...

happy birthday hon!!! :D

So, whenever I don't attend my classes, I cook something nice. I cooked pasta today... I don't know what it's called, but it has white sauce... but silly me for forgetting to add salt to the sauce... So I had to add some... Then when they tasted it, they gave me a look and said... "You can cook now! You really should go and get married soon..."

I was like... "Huh??"

Hmmm... pfft.. do they think that just because I know how to cook, do the dishes, laundry and other house chores then I'd better go and get married?!?! Jeez... Christ on a fucking Cross!

*grins* not that I'm really pissed about it, but it's just weird... tsk...


OOoh! and today, the workers fixing up the road looked at me funny cause I threw blocks of concrete cause my dad's car is coming... lol... I grazed my fingers which sucked.... but hell, a little pain makes me go wide eye and bushy tail, if I tell you the truth.. lol...

Anyways.. :D Just thought to update you guys on what's been happening to moi... :D And the fics, The Sweetest Sin and Assassin are now being worked on... :D Soooo . may be a week from now? There'll be an update. :D

Sooo.. I joined this organization at the university cause I've got the hots for the advisor.... and then, while I was getting interviewed this afternoon for my Novice position, I found out that HE IS ALREADY MARRIED! Fucking shitty thing! God fucking damned!!!!

*throws a tantrum* I so hate myself right now. Grrr!!!! Hmm.. wonder if I can just hook up with him... * ponders * I know.. Crazy.. but it's not like I'm actually gonna do it... *pouts* or will I?? Hmmm... But he's fucking hot!! Body wise... Hmmm.. yum.. guess he'll just live in my fantasy along with David, James, Jensen, Jared and Misha...

Shitty!!!! at least I actually liked the organization and what we would be doing there.. Thank fuck...

Sooo.. since my last Post.. I have discovered that I soooo fucking love Placebo's french songs... especially Mars Landing Party because it is fucking dirty and Protege Moi, because. it's just fucking hot... Burger Queen doesn't really appeal to me that much cause of the tone, but I also love it nonetheless... That's why.. aside from self studying German.. I'm also doing French... ...

Goddamned! I'm turning ass over tits over these frickin' languages... I am so in love with European Languages!!! no wonder I tried studying Italian... until I've gotten bored.. :P *grins*

Anyways, I've an interview tomorrow to become a Novice, should I pass. lol. :D hee! I feel giddy!

Okayyyyy... It's monday and I didn't attend any of my classes cause one, I was having a bad case of hang over... second...... I felt tooo lazy to bear the heat of the day and feel all icky and whatnot...

lol.. so I spent the whole day slaving in the kitching trying to come up with a brilliant recipie which i failed miserably by the way, i wound up cooking the same thing.... lol

Sooo... I was surfing through cable channels when I came across Dark Angel... I don't know which season it was, but boy, Jensen is such a fine piece of meat.... before I realized it, I was drooling over him and now I'm googling movies and series where in he was there...

*sighs* I can't believe this... he looked hot in the movie Devour. he's just oh sooooo delicious... lol... my friend was with me, and he was looking at me like I'd just grown another head. lol.. what can I say, I like fine hot men named Jensen Ackles.. lol..